Humor

Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller

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Posted by Duff at 11:07 am (PDT) on Sat March 26, 2022   
Some great Phyllis Diller quotes:
 
As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
 
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
 
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
 
The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
 
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: eat out.
 
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
 
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford.  Then I want to move in with them.
 
Most children threaten at times to run away from home.  This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
 
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
 
We spend the first twelve months of our childrens' lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
 
Burt Reynolds once asked me out.  I was in his room.
 
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
 
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
 
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
 
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
 
My photographs don't do me justice; they look just like me.
 
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle; keep away from children.
 
I asked the waiter, "Is this milk fresh?"  He said, "Lady, three hours ago, it was grass."
 
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
 
You know you're old if they've discontinued your blood type.
Posted by Bob Matthews at 6:48 am (PDT) on Mon April 11, 2016   
Her husband, "Fang."
Posted by dtdavis2012 at 2:24 pm (PST) on Sat February 18, 2012   
I've always loved Phyllis Diller--that laugh of hers always cracked me up!
Posted by Former member at 3:46 pm (PST) on Tue March 2, 2010   
yeh remember her what a lady sense of humour nobody had remember that hair

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